A Purpose-Filled Life - from American Funeral Director

originally published in American Funeral Director, by Patti Martin Bartsche

Widely known today as The Grave Woman, Joél Simone has built a career that spans funeral service, grief care, and cultural competency, using her platform to reimagine how diverse communities are seen, honored, and supported at the end of life.

How the South Carolina native got to where she is today didn’t happen by accident; in many ways, it is as it was meant to be.

And it all began with a drawing by her 8-year-old self, done on the floor of her grandmother’s house. That picture would become a self-fulfilling prophecy: a young redheaded girl dressed in a purple suit, with red lips, in front of a microphone in a cemetery, “either talking on behalf of or to the dead.”

That drawing, long preserved by her grandmother, has now become the reality that the now 40-year-old Simone lives in.

“Today, all over the world, I’m known as ‘The Grave Woman,’” Simone said. “Little to my knowledge, at 8 years old, I was developing the spiritual gift of being able to communicate with the dead and speak directly to my ancestors.”

Part practitioner, part educator, part historian, and increasingly, Simone has become a voice for how the funeral profession can – and should – embrace diversity and build meaningful connections in a world of evolving traditions and communities.

The Early Days

Raised in South Carolina, the heart of Gullah Geechee culture, death was a part of life, Simone said. Children were very involved in conversations, going to the funeral home, and taking care of the elders.

“The Gullah Geechee people are the descendants of enslaved West Africans in the coastal regions from Georgia, Florida, North and South Carolina, and we hold deep spiritual beliefs rooted in African tradition and Christianity as it relates to end-of-life, death, and grief,” Simone explained. “We believe that the deceased spirit continues to influence and protect us, the living.”

Still, Simone concedes that it may have been a bit disturbing to her parents that her 8-year-old self could communicate with the dead. “But I’m so grateful for my grandmother, who preserved that artwork for me, because she understood what was happening was a form of connection that would guide me through the rest of my life,” she said. “Those spirits and those ancestors became my friends; they became the playmates, but most importantly, they set the foundation for becoming my guides.”

In Gullah Geechee culture, death, dying, and grief are not shunned, not ignored. Rather, they’re a part of everyday life. “It’s a part of work, it’s a part of play, and my favorite form of play (growing up) was playing funeral with my cousins,” Simone said. “Of course, whoever I was mad at that week when we got together on Saturdays had to die."

“I got what I consider to be the best job of all … I got to be the funeral director, which meant I got to hold everybody as they were falling out because we got really dramatic with it,” she added. “I got to care for the people that were grieving – pretend grieving at that time – but most importantly, I got to play with the dead bodies.”

Growing up, she would spend her free time shadowing her funeral director uncle. “He took me into the embalming room, and the first thing he told me was that you’re entering a sacred space. This space isn’t about you. ‘This space is about caring for others in a dignified and respectful way;’ it was a lesson I’ve never forgotten.”

A Different Path

Although Simone knew – felt, actually – that funeral service was her future, mortuary school didn’t immediately follow high school graduation. Rather, she attended DeVry University for a semester before enrolling in Strayer University, where she earned a bachelor’s in business administration. Her first job out of college was working at a cemetery, then-owned by Service Corporation International, as a family services counselor.

It would be several years later that a then 27-year-old Simone would enroll in Gupton-Jones College of Funeral Service in Atlanta, ready to fully embrace the vision she had drawn as a young girl.

Disappointing Discoveries

Excited as Simone was to follow the path long-ago predetermined for her, it didn’t take her long to realize something was missing.

“For the first time in my life, I was around people my age who were just as strange as I was in the sense that we wanted to learn about death and how to take care of dead people,” Simone said.

“But sitting in class, listening to my professors speak, I realized something was missing. There was no education about how to take care of people that look like me, that spoke like me, that had hair textures and skin complexions like me,” she said. “When I asked questions, questions about cultural nuance, caring for diverse communities, I was basically told I needed to refer to my local funeral home.”

Simply put, “I realized that there was a huge disconnect between how I had been raised and what I was witnessing as a student (and eventually a professional),” Simone said.

It was a confusing and disconcerting time, and a week after her August 2012 graduation, Simone began working in a completely different field, putting her business degree to good use at Emory University.

Unwilling (and unable) to completely cut ties to the funeral service, through connections at Emory, she was introduced to a gentleman who owned a Black funeral home, where she would complete her apprenticeship. She would also begin working part-time at an SCI care center in the greater Atlanta area.

“I was very frustrated in the prep center because there wasn’t a lot of attention given to people who looked like me,” she said. “I don’t mean they did not care for people who looked like me; I mean some of the professionals didn’t know what to do with hair or with makeup or cosmetics or something as simple as shampooing.”

She found herself facing racist language and hearing horrible jokes about male genitalia in the embalming. She witnessed a seasoned funeral professional cutting braids from a Black woman’s scalp, cutting off all her hair in the process. Her own hair became a point of contention. She was told on more than one occasion that she needed to do something with her own hair because it was distracting to the family when they were trying to view their loved one.”

She knew she needed to do something … the only question was what.

Building Something New

The answer would found in a blog she began while still in mortuary school. Since no one seemed to be providing multicultural education, Simone began writing about it … answering questions, sharing her experiences, and explaining why something as simple as “hair” had deeper meanings.

A few weeks before graduation, Simone and her sister were going through some things in her apartment and came across a scrapbook. The scrapbook, a gift from her grandmother when she was in high school, had traveled with her for nearly a decade withouta second look.

But there, in the pages of the scrapbook, was the artwork, lovingly preserved over the years. The artwork didn’t just include the hand-drawn picture; it also included words, written in a child’s script: “I am the grave woman.”

“I about fell out of my chair because I had literally just started this blog called The Grave Woman, and I did not know I drew this,” she said. “I saw it as a sign.”

Simone continued writing her blog during her apprenticeship and throughout the time it took her to pass her National Board Exam. When Blogspot closed shop, she turned to YouTube to get her message – and education – out.

In 2019, she met her mentor, NBE review coach Anita Grant. The conversation naturally turned to the lack of multicultural education and how Simone was trying to provide much-needed information to funeral professionals.

By that time, Simone had created 150 to 200 videos. Grant casually mentioned that the videos could be turned into continuing education classes. Simone was not convinced, but with Grant’s guidance and support, she completed the process to develop courses that met the Academy of Professional Funeral Service Practice accreditation standards.

“We ended up teaching a class together … and more classes followed,” Simone said. “I began reaching more classes on my own … and I loved it. I began sharing important information with those who wanted to learn.”

Enter COVID

By 2020, Simone was comfortable in what she was doing … but knew she needed to do more, be more.

“That COVID period made me realize I wanted to be more impactful, teaching people about racism, about inclusion, about bias, about spirituality and deathcare,” Simone said. “I decided to take the leap of faith.”

At the time, her program was known as the Black Death and Grief Care Academy. But a conversation with a mentor she had during an entrepreneurship class in the summer of 2025 led her to rethink the name. “They told me that with that name (Black Death), I was not going to get anywhere,” Simone said. “They told me that when they heard Black Death, all they thought of was the plague.”

And then they pointed to a point long known to Simone: The future of deathcare is multicultural; the future of the world is multicultural.

In that moment, the Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy was born.

Embracing Diversity

Borne out of necessity and conviction, the Academy is filling a gap by educating, equipping, and empowering professionals across deathcare, grief care, and related fields to serve all communities with dignity, respect, and cultural humility.

It has been a deeply personal journey for Simone. “My own Gullah Geechee heritage and spiritual path taught me that culture is not just identity; it’s medicine,” she said. “’Culture is the Medicine for Grief’ became the heartbeat of the Academy because I have witnessed how cultural understanding transforms not only the way we serve others, but how we process loss within ourselves.”

Every course, webinar, series, and speaking engagement is a step toward reimagining deathcare as a sacred, inclusive, and culturally competent practice for all. Each topic, Simone says, is inspired by her ancestors, who show her the courses and other things she should teach.

As she states on The Grave Woman website, “At The Multicultural Death & Grief Care Academy, we believe that honoring culture is the medicine that helps the world heal through navigating grief. We equip and empower professionals with the tools to create authentic, culturally inclusive experiences that honor diversity and inclusion at the end of life, after death, and through grief support.”

It was her conviction that embracing diversity and building meaningful connections in a world of evolving traditions and communities was imperative, which led her to the End Well stage last year.

Ending Well

Founded in 2017, End Well is a nonprofit dedicated to the belief that all people should experience the end of life in a way that matches their values and goals.

The theme of 2025’s event, held Nov. 20 in Los Angeles, was “Radical Bravery – the courage to show up for one another, even when it’s uncomfortable, uncertain, or heartbreaking. For Simone, it was an opportunity to focus on “Culture and Grief: How Tradition Heals,” explaining to the attendees, “every ritual, every song, every act of tending to the dead is also an act of tending to the living.”

It was at End Well that she fully shared the story of her childhood journey and how her ancestors fuel the work she is doing today. She spoke of her journey of becoming a sacred grief care practitioner and the healing powers of tradition.

And when it was over, as she sat alone, Simone had a moment of profound clarity. “It was literally a full circle moment where it was like, ‘Oh my God, this is what you saw,’” remembering that drawing made more than three decades earlier. “It let me know, number one, I’m not crazy, and number two, there is genuinely an unseen force, … a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

What’s Next

As the voices of her ancestors have grown louder and sharper, Simone remains committed to using her voice to offer transforming approaches to the dignified end-of-life care in an increasingly diverse, multicultural world.

One of her newest offerings can be found each Tuesday on LinkedIn – Free Tip Tuesday, where she offers three tips on a particular topic.

“I wanted to share information in an engaging way that was highly accessible, meaning it was free and shareable, and that the format was relatable, meaning that anybody can look at it and say, ‘Oh, I can apply this to my work, whether I’m a death doula, hospice nurse, funeral director, or whatever,” Simone said.

As she enters a new year, Simone is determined to improve her mental, physical, and spiritual well-being with authenticity.

“We can no longer be quiet,” she said. For Simone, that means speaking up and out so all families feel seen and heard in their death and grief.

And that includes herself.

“As a Black woman, my hair is my rite of passage. When the time comes for my family, tribe, and community to view me for the last time in this physical realm, I need to feel confident that they will recognize ME. My hair will play a huge role in this recognition,” she said.

“The way I am cared for by the professionals that are entrusted with my body will matter. Their understanding and respect for my hair will make the difference. Understanding that should I adorn locs, they represent a commitment to a spiritual journey; should I adorn braids they are reflective of the energy transferred with each loop the braider makes and the energy and strength of community infused into them, and their knowing that shampooing and conditioning represent the cleansing and renewal of not only my hair but my spirit. My hair and care matter."

“Each of us matters.” KB